working girl

I cried three days before the official day. Just for a little while. I woke up and cried a little knowing I only had a few days home with Oliver. Then I cried suddenly walking down the hallway with only 2 days left at home. Then the day before I was keeping myself pretty busy knowing I was preparing to go back to work the next night. I spent most of this day on the grumpy side barking orders to Nate (my poor husband) of all the stuff we needed to finish before I started work again. We both knew I was harboring sadness to what the next day held. I cried that night before I went to sleep.

And then I woke up and it was the day. My first day back to work.

I slept in, preparing to pull an all nighter, certainly not my first in the past 3 months. I've survived quite well on sleep deprivation lately. I fully anticipated getting called off work, since it had been slow, and it would be my turn for sure to get put on-call. But, it never happened, and 5pm rolled around...along with my tears. Lots of them.

I didn't realize it would hit me as hard as it did. I just rocked Oliver and let my tears come. They were hot tears that dripped down my cheeks, and I let them pour out. I said goodbye quickly when the time for me to leave rolled around.

I drove to work. I cried the car ride there. I sat in the parking lot trying to compose myself, wondering why this moment was so difficult knowing all along this day would come.
I walked in the doors and saw all the familiar faces I have missed. My 'Birthplace Babes' as we call them, all welcomed me back with a big hug. It was so good to see them. And, I only teared up once while I was at work, and held it together for the most part.

People say that one day, not now, but one day I will look forward to working as a break from things. I'm sure this will one day be true, but not today.