A Lesson on Patience

In college Nate asked me, “How are you so patient?” I was dumbfounded by the question because I never even considered myself a patient person. He was asking me in regards to a special needs little girl, R, who was near and dear to my heart.

I worked with R a few times a week during college. We would swim, play at the park, and find learning opportunities together. I grew to understand how to best meet R’s needs, even with her challenges that might have seemed overwhelming to some. I even traveled with her family, and grew to love all of them. I still think about them often.

It never occurred to me the amount of patience necessary to take care of R until Nate said something. I could sense the difficulty others had when a challenging situation arose with R, and knew where Nate’s question was coming from. I won’t say it was always easy taking care of R and meeting her needs, but it was for the most part effortless. I think I felt so much ease with caring for R because I knew she needed me, and I loved her and could give her more than what was required.

And then I was shaken.

The scariest time I had with R was one early summer evening. We were outside playing when all of a sudden R started to lean into me and then suddenly collapsed in my arms. Terrified, I ran as fast as possible cradling her 4 year old little body as best I could. I headed inside and administered her medication. R was having a seizure.

I prayed. I held her. I cried.

I doubted myself.

Did I give her seizure medicine fast enough? I should have carried it outside with me. I should have noticed impending signs sooner. I felt like it was my fault.

Her mom came quickly after I called her and took her to the hospital. R was going to be ok, thankfully. That moment will stay with me forever. I was shaken, and overwhelmed with the thought that something horrific like this could happen to R under my watch. I continued to care for R, and learned a great deal from this experience.

I learned why it may be easy for me to have patience for those who are in need and can’t help their circumstance, it is not easy for me to be patient with myself. My mistakes, my imperfections and flaws-all the things I am so hard on myself about-requires the same amount of patience.

I don’t know if R remembers our time together, or if I even made a real difference for her, but she left an imprint on my life as I continue to journey through what it means to be patient.